Articoli taggati Spamming

After the recent teetering-on-the-edge-of-total-economic-and-financial-meltdown couple of weeks it seems economic systems and their workings have pushed their way into the need-to-know-category. Well, we can now simplify this all by explaining 21 economic models with cows. It is remarkable how much sense it all makes from this real world perspective!

Socialism

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

Communism

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

Traditional capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

An American Corporation

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

Enron venture capitalism

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A French Corporation

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A German Corporation

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A Russian Corporation

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Swiss Corporation

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A Chinese Corporation

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

An Indian Corporation

You have two cows.
You worship them.

A British Corporation

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

An Iraqi Corporation

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh#t out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy…

An Australian Corporation

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A New Zealand Corporation

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…

The one on the left looks very attractive…

The one on the left looks very attractive…

The one on the left looks very attractive…

Una società italiana e una giapponese decisero di sfidarsi annualmente in una gara di canoa, con equipaggio di otto uomini.

Entrambe le squadre si allenarono e quando arrivò il giorno della gara ciascuna squadra era al meglio della forma, ma i giapponesi vinsero con un vantaggio di oltre un chilometro.

Dopo la sconfitta il morale della squadra italiana era a terra. Il top management decise che si sarebbe dovuto vincere l’anno successivo e istituì un Gruppo Progetto per investigare il problema. Il Gruppo di Progetto scoprì dopo molte analisi che i giapponesi avevano sette uomini ai remi e uno che comandava, mentre la squadra italiana aveva un uomo che remava e sette che comandavano.

In questa situazione di crisi il management dette una chiara prova di capacità gestionale: ingaggiò immediatamente una Società di Consulenza per investigare la struttura della squadra italiana.

Dopo molti mesi di duro lavoro, gli Esperti giunsero alla conclusione che nella squadra c’erano troppe persone a comandare e troppo poche a remare. Con il supporto del rapporto degli Esperti e l’avvallo del Gruppo di Progetto, fu deciso di cambiare immediatamente la struttura della squadra!

Ora ci sarebbero stati quattro comandanti, due supervisori dei comandanti, un capo dei supervisori e uno ai remi. Inoltre si introdusse una serie di punti per motivare il rematore: Dobbiamo ampliare il suo ambito lavorativo e dargli più responsabilità….

L’anno successivo i giapponesi vinsero con un vantaggio di due chilometri! La società italiana licenziò in tronco il rematore a causa degli scarsi risultati e pagò un bonus al Gruppo di Comando come ricompensa per il grande impegno che la squadra aveva dimostrato.

La Società di Consulenza preparò una nuova analisi, dove si dimostrò che era stata scelta la giusta tattica, che anche la motivazione era buona, ma che il materiale usato doveva essere migliorato… Al momento la società italiana è impegnata a progettare una nuova canoa…